We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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