I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
