those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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