you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
