she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We have started to decorate penises.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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