apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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