How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
