stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
