she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
