I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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