So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
