someone threw a dead crab at me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
