im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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