Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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