omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
