Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
