HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
