I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
