And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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