Im at strip club and am horny
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
