I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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