He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
