help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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