I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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