Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
