tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
be right there i have to get my cape
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
