Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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