get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
