I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
