Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
