Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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