The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
