he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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