Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
