I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize