That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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