I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
