yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
