Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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