I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
