I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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