Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
