i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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