grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
