The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
