Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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