Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
