Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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