I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
