this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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