Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
