I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
