And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
