Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
