if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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