I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
