Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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