Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
