I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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