remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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