i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
