I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
