i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
