YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
