I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We got so high we made milksteak
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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