We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
