I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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