We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
