I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
