Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
