I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
