I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That accounts for only three of the penises
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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