Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
